


Actually, I Can

by TonyStarkissist



Series: The Adventures of Uncle Tony and his gaggle of li'l Chil'ren [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ALBERT is a new AI, And he absolutely loves his dear uncle tony, Dad!Tony, FRIDAY is the sass master, Gen, IronUncle, Irondad, Peter Parker is absolutely lovely and adorable, Precious Peter Parker, Shuri and Peter are always getting up to no good, Shuri's a little brat again, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Tony thinks he doesn't have a heart but he actually does, and so is her new friend, cuteness and fluff everywhere, uncle!tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 12:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17467370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonyStarkissist/pseuds/TonyStarkissist
Summary: “Shuri,” Tony placated, placing his hands on his hips, staring at her from where she was typing furiously on the laptop lying on top of Peter’s desk. “You can’t alter Peter and Bruce’s AI’s code to annoy me just because I wouldn’t let you go out gallivanting in one of my suits.”She lifted her head to stare at him incredulously. Then, returning his glare with a smug grin.“Actually, I can.”...and she did…And that’s the story of how he received a new artificial nephew.





	Actually, I Can

Bruce and Peter had been working exceptionally hard on the project, for almost an entire month. Tony would help them here and there, but both of the nerds were stubborn as rocks and determined to do it without his assistance.

It had all started with a dysfunctional Karen and a pouting SpiderKid. Tony, of course fixed the problem with her coding, but it took a while, and Peter wasn't all too happy about the lengthy time it was taking Tony to fix the problem. He was becoming antsy; ready to get back out on patrol. Tony even remembered the exact words that had came out of his mouth when Peter had asked one too many times about when he'd be finished. The kid was driving him insane, breathing down his neck the way he was.

“Goodness, kid! Just chill for a second. It's not as easy as you think, go make your own AI and see how long it takes to fix it.” 

It was a joke, that's all it was meant to be, but apparently the kid took him seriously. Like, really, Peter should know by now not to take what he says seriously. 

The kid had stuck out his tongue in his mentor's direction and stalked out of the lab. And the next time Tony saw him (literally the next day) he was ready to return the suit with Karen's fixed coding, and lo and behold, the kid was lugging around a stack of books relating to Artificial Intelligence and computer programming. 

He took one glance at the large pile stacked in the boys arms and he rolled his eyes in obnoxious amusement. 

“You aren't actually taking what I said seriously, are you?” 

Peter looked up at him incredulously as he adjusted his grip on the books so he could reach out with his free hand to grab the suit Tony was offering him. “Of course I am, and Dr. Banner's gonna help me too. He said he's always wanted to learn how to make an AI… we're gonna name him ALBERT: Artificially Learning Beacon Embellished Rather Tactfully.”

“That's a bunch of gibberish,” Tony replied blandly, raising his eyebrows higher and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Has Bruce agreed to that name yet?” 

“I-I don't know. I told him all about it and he got super excited,” Peter grinned sheepishly. “I honestly wasn’t planning on making one, but he got super serious and stuff about it, so we’re gonna make one, and he said that I’m allowed to pick out his name.”

“And you picked… _Albert?_ ” 

“Well… I mean yeah. I kinda wanna give him an old man voice, ‘cause that would be seriously funny, but… I don't think Bruce would like that.”

And that, right there, was the birth of ALBERT. Ever since then, the two had been working aimlessly to finish their project. Tony had given them a quick crash course on the basics before they got too carried away, but other than that and a few coding checks, he had had limited involvement in the project. Not by choice of course. He didn’t know how many times he had gone down to _his_ lab, just to find it locked and FRIDAY refusing to let him in because Bruce and Peter were hard at work.

And, no, he wasn't jealous that Bruce was getting the kids attention for the majority of the time he was there, which was a surprise… to everyone. ‘Cause, yeah, for the past month and a half, as soon as Peter arrived at the Compound, he’d greet Tony then immediately ask where Bruce was so he could get caught up with the progress the scientist had made while he was gone. It would have made sense if he became jealous, considering that he was a very possesive and jealousy-prone person. Of course, he had his inevitable moments of frustration, but when he would quietly threaten to go down there and drag Peter away so he could get some time and attention out of his kid, FRIDAY would play him a recent recording of one of Peter and Bruce’s conversations to calm him down.

_“Why did you want to do this again?” Bruce asked over the clicking sound of a keyboard. “Trying to prove Tony wrong?”_

_“No! Of course not,” Peter objected immediately, voice rising a pitch or two, “I wanted to show him that I'm smart too. You know, ‘cause I do a lot of dumb stuff while on patrol, which he always yells at me for… So, I'm trying to show him that I can actually do something smart without his help.”_

That one had made Tony smile, and he honestly couldn't wait until ALBERT was finished to see just how smart he knew his kid was, and obviously get his Spider-Kid time back. Of course, Bruce was doing the majority of the heavy lifting in the project, but Peter was still a major help according to the scientist. Still, he couldn't wait to brag about this particular accomplishment. If Peter wouldn’t immediately object, he’d send the project directly to MIT just to brag.

***

“Alright, so…” Peter grinned, wringing his hands together excitedly, “you ready?”

Tony sat on a stool facing the two, while Bruce and Peter stood in front of him as if they were going to present a business proposal.

“Let's see it kiddo,” Tony grinned back. 

Bruce nodded his head for Peter to do the honors, and the boy eagerly pressed a few buttons on the keyboard. Then, the room was filled with a smooth talking voice touched with a hint of an Italian accent. 

“Hello everyone, I would like to introduce myself. My name is ALBERT, and Dr. Banner and Peter have been a simple jo--” the voice cuts off abruptly and a series of indiscernible vowel sounds and random words begin spewing erratically. Tony winced at the familiar fumble. He didn’t know how many times he had to deal with that particular problem with JARVIS before he finally fixed it.

“Aww, man!” Peter groaned, “I thought we fixed that!”

“I'm just joking Peter.” ALBERT says, the sounds ceasing and the smooth voice taking back over the speakers. “You programmed me to be humoring to you, so I tried my best at a joke. How did I do?” 

Tony stood immediately from his chair, raising his hands upwards to applaud loudly. 

“That's my boy! Look at that! It took me years to make JARVIS tell me a joke! Pete, amazing, I love him, you and Bruce did amazing!”

“Really?” Peter asked shyly, smiling widely as Tony through a proud arm around his shoulders.

“Yes, I definitely wasn't expecting that, especially from only two month's worth of work. It took me years to develop my AI's.”

“Well, we cheated a little bit,” Bruce admitted with a small smile, “we used the basic structure you had for Karen and just recreated the personality and the voice. We decided that it would take way too long to try and do it all from scratch.”

Peter's gaze dropped to the ground in shamed embarrassment as he scuffs his shoes against the tiled floor. Tony noticed it and pulled him tighter into his side, squeezing his arm encouragingly and reaching his other hand up to ruffle his hair affectionately.

“That doesn't make it any less impressive kiddo. I'm proud of you.”

Peter looked up at him with a grin and wide, sparkling eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but ALBERT quickly cut in.

“Peter, this must be your father: You never told me you had a father. Can you introduce me?” 

Bruce laughed, and Peter paled, snapping his head to look at Tony so he could judge the genius’ reaction. Tony actually found it amusing and clapped Peter on the shoulder enthusiastically, winking obnoxiously at him.

“You almost got it,” he addressed the AI, “my name's Tony Stark. You can look me up later when Pete hear hooks you up with FRIDAY and the internet so you can learn a few more things.”

“So, _you_ are the Mr. Stark I’ve heard so much about. That actually makes much more sense, I apologize for my assumption.”

While Tony kept the conversation going with the AI, Peter was staring up at him dumbly.

“You're-you're gonna hook him up with FRIDAY? Like, through the whole compound?”

“Of course!” Tony grinned, looking over at Bruce, “ALBERT has to learn some basic AI things before he can fully develop, and who better to teach him than another experienced AI? Plus, I think FRIDAY needs a friend anyway.” 

“I take offense boss,” FRIDAY piped up, sounding put off by the implication.

“See,” Tony stage-whispered, “she’s getting grumpy.”

***

“You invited Shuri?!” Tony groaned, “and you didn’t think to ask me first?”

Peter grinned sheepishly and wrung his hands nervously, reaching out his hands in a placating manner to try and calm the older man down. 

“Well, yeah… ALBERT’s been doing really good and she’s been dying to meet him in person, and I knew you would say no-”

“Peter!” Tony cut off the rambling before it gave him a headache, “just chill for a second kid.” 

Tony sighed dramatically and ran a hand down his face. “When is she supposed to be coming?”

Peter’s cheeks reddened significantly and he shrunk back just as he squeaked out an almost imperceptible response. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!” 

***

“Shuri,” Tony placated, placing his hands on his hips, staring at her from where she was typing furiously on the laptop lying on top of Peter’s desk. “You can’t alter Peter and Bruce’s AI’s code to annoy me just because I wouldn’t let you go out gallivanting in one of my suits.”

She lifted her head to stare at him incredulously. Then, returning his glare with a smug grin. 

“Actually, I can.”

...and she did…

And that’s the story of how he received a new artificial nephew.

***

“Uncle Tony, Mr. Rogers is requesting your presence in the conference room.” ALBERT announced, earning an annoyed eye roll from the man himself. The ‘Uncle Tony’ nonsense was getting beyond ridiculous.

“Yeah, _Uncle Tony_ get going,” Clint snickered. Tony ignored him and stood from the couch to go meet Steve down in the conference room.

Bruce, for some reason, had been absolutely delighted in the new title ALBERT had began to give him all thanks to his _lovely niece_. The sudden shift from ‘Mr. Stark’ (the title obviously inputted by Peter) to ‘Uncle Tony’ had led to a dramatic reaction from the rest of the heroes residing in the Compound, and if Tony could figure out how to fix it, he totally would. Shuri, though, being the obnoxious genius she was, had put a ridiculously strong brick wall, smack-dabbed right in front of the one piece of code he needed to get to. The rest of ALBERT’s artificial genome, was his for the taking, but that _one_ section had been completely blocked off to him, and until She decided she wanted to change it (if ever) he’d just have to deal with it.

And he hated how much joy _both_ Peter and Shuri had found in it. The Princess looked far too proud, and she used absolutely every opportunity to bait ALBERT into calling him his new title. She had already done it twice in very important meetings with SI Board Directors, and she’d done it perhaps 50 different times amongst the other Avengers. Which he received merciless teasing for.

“What do you want Steve?” Tony asked begrudgingly, opening the door to the conference room to find Steve with his feet kicked up on the table, a book in his lap, and an apple in his free hand. He looked up at Tony, completely taken back by his sudden arrival.

“Uh… I didn’t need anything… uh, why?”

Tony scowled and tightened his grip on the door frame. He really should have learned his lesson by now.

“No reason…” he growled through gritted teeth, “I just have two children to go murder. See you later Capsicle.”

Tony slammed the door behind him and stalked down the hall to the elevator.

“ALBERT, I don’t want you lying to me anymore. This is getting absolutely ridiculous,” he instructed the AI as he marched through the doors already sliding open.

“I apologize Uncle Tony, Peter and Shuri told me to relay the message.”

“FRIDAY!” Tony snapped, “ _you_ know better, why are you letting these two morons influence ALBERT. He’s _your_ responsibility.”

“I apologize, Boss,” she replied rather smugly as the elevator began its descent to the lab, “I just find the situation amusing.”

Tony rubbed his eyes and sighed. He was _so_ done. This is why he didn’t want Shuri visiting for such an extended period of time. One week was pushing it, but two weeks? He loved Peter, but the next time the boy did something stupid like this, he was never going to see the light of day ever again.

“You’re a computer,” Tony reasoned with her gently, “you don’t find things amusing.”

“You are correct, as always, Boss, but Ms. Shuri says I _must_ find it amusing.”

“Don’t listen to a word that devil-child says.”

The elevator doors open into his personal lab, and he can immediately identify the distinct sound of two brats giggling over in their little corner.

“Shuri! Peter!” He shouted, storming over to the two with narrowed eyes and a newfound determination in his step. He was gonna do it this time. He wasn’t going to chicken out, because this was getting ridiculous and he had had _enough_. “You need to _stop_.”

“Stop calling you away to opposite ends of the compound for no reason, or stop making ALBERT call you ‘Uncle Tony’?” Shuri asked, tilting her head to the side questioningly… _as if she were innocent!_ She was most definitely not innocent.

“Both,” Tony growled out through gritted teeth. “People, important people, are thinking that I created an AI and instructed it to call me ‘Uncle Tony’. If some pedestrian or reporter came in here and word gets out, I will _never_ hear the end of it. I’m already taking heat from it from the rest of my idiotic teammates.”

“But you _are_ Uncle Tony. It’s not false information,” Shuri replies with a raised eyebrow. “And technically speaking, you _are_ ALBERT’s uncle anyways.”

“How did you even come to that ridiculous conclusion?!” Tony asked incredulously.

“Well, ALBERT’s the brainchild of one of your best friends and Peter. So, in terms of Bruce’s child, you’re his uncle, and since you’re practically Peter’s uncle anyway, being in terms of _his_ child, you would be the _Great_ Uncle Tony.”

Tony scoffed. “I can see where you’re coming from with Bruce, but I wouldn't consider myself Peter’s uncle.”

“I agree,” FRIDAY piped up, sounding smug, “if anything, Boss takes on more of a father-type role for young Peter. So, in those terms, he would actually be the _grandfather_ of ALBERT.”

A wide grin spread across Shuri’s face, while Peter’s reddened.

“Am I supposed to refer to Uncle Tony as Grandfather now?” ALBERT asked innocently.

“NO!” Tony bellowed quickly before Shuri could get a word in, “I am _far_ too young to even be considered a grandfather. Good god.” He groaned and ran an exasperated hand down his face.

“I don’t know Mr. Stark. You’re around that age. It’s not absolutely implausible.”

“Peter,” Tony snapped, shooting him a deadly glare, pointing an accusatory finger into his face, “don’t you _dare_. I will not HESITATE to ground your ass for the rest of the week.”

Peter snapped his trap shut while Shuri cackled happily beside him. “Peter! You told me that Uncle Tony was just like a mentor, you never told me he was your _father_.”

“He’s not-” Peter began, but ALBERT quickly interrupted.

“Of course! I am surprised you did not know. Peter calls Uncle Tony his father all the time!”

“ALBERT,” FRIDAY spoke up, “I do believe that that is information Boss and Peter would prefer to keep to themselves. Boss does not like us telling other people about parts of his personal life without direct approval from himself. Occasionally it can be permitted in small amounts, but never with direct information that could incriminate him or his reputation.”

“Oh,” ALBERT paused, “I apologize Uncle Tony, and Peter. I promise to do better next time.”

“See that you do,” Tony grumbled, storming back out the way he came.

***

Even after Shuri left, ALBERT continued calling him Uncle Tony, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t fix it. T’Challa simply laughed at his predicament when he arrived to pick up Shuri, so he was absolutely _no_ help whatsoever, and even FRIDAY couldn’t seem to break through the thick wall Shuri had built up within ALBERT’s coding. 

So, like all other times, he became used to the title. And, yes, it did leak to the press. Which led to many shabby articles alternating between claiming that Tony was so depressed, lonely and desperate for a family that he created his own, and to calling him sensitive and cute. He didn’t know which one he was more repulsed by. Though, Pepper set up a press conference for him so he could address the rumors, and, yes, he completely threw Shuri under the bus. He even made sure to call her an ‘annoying brat’ on record, just to make sure she knew how annoyed he was when she inevitably read about it. He didn’t even care what others thought about him calling the Princess of the most technologically advanced country a brat.

Either way, he gained a new nephew, and ALBERT’s human-like interaction sometimes made him question whether there was actually a human trapped inside of the computer. That too, though, was probably done by Shuri. But, ALBERT became a large part of his life, as well as the rest of the Avengers. 

FRIDAY had been made and programmed to stand off to the side of things until she was directly addressed or if her assistance was needed. ALBERT, though, seemed to have no filter… much like a normal child. He entertained the Barton children when they came, as well as Cassie, answering their obnoxious questions. And he had apparently become quite attached to the children. To the point of pestering Tony while he was working, asking when Peter or one of the other children would return so frequently he almost wished he had the ability to physically kick the child-like computer out of the room. 

That was when Tony decided to make Peter a phone with ALBERT installed, because that would at least give the AI someone else to bother during the day… someone who would probably enjoy the company more than him.

Bruce was also extremely attached to the AI, and sometimes Tony felt the scientist had more affection for the computer than any other human. To which Bruce replied: _‘He’s my child Tony. I love him more than anything.’_ And even though it was said in a joking matter, he was pretty sure that if ALBERT could cry he definitely would have, because that AI was freakishly human-like and he didn’t stop delightedly telling Bruce just how much he was appreciated until Bruce eventually chuckled and politely asked him to stop.

Even FRIDAY seemed to form a weird, AI-type bond with him. The computer had apparently inherited Peter’s personality, because even Tony had to admit that he was completely loveable, and _no one_ seemed to be immune to his charms.

So, yeah, ALBERT learned extremely fast, and thanks to Shuri’s revision to his code, he quickly surpassed FRIDAY and soon took over the Compound, while FRIDAY focused her workings at the Tower amongst SI, and Tony’s personal penthouse.

-

“Uncle Tony,” ALBERT sounded softly from the speakers in the lab, a high amount of compassion encompassing his advanced robotic voice, “I think it’s about time you went to sleep. You’ve been up for awhile, and the children are coming over tomorrow. The dates been set in your calendar since last month, I know you’re looking forward to it… If you want to be in a good mood you might want to get some sleep.”

“Alright, Buddy,” Tony yawned, stretching his arms above his head and standing from his stool. He scratched his temple and slowly moved towards the elevator. He made it to the Common Room where some of the team were watching a late-night movie.

“Wanna watch Die Hard with us, Stark?” Sam asked, gesturing to the picture on the TV.

Tony shook his head and continued towards his suite. “Can’t,” he yawned, “kids are coming tomorrow. Need to get some sleep.”

He made it to his room and fell gently into the bed so that he wouldn’t wake Pepper. He draped his arm over her waist and snuggled his head against his pillow as he curled himself around her back. 

“Goodnight, Uncle Tony,” ALBERT spoke in that same soft voice, “I hope you get some rest.”

And, yeah, he would never admit it out loud, but he’s kinda glad Shuri tampered with ALBERT. He was pretty stinkin’ great.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it! This is probably personally my favorite one in the series yet! And if you guys have any prompt ideas that you might want to see, I don't mind you hitting me up. I've already got a looonnng list of ideas saved up. So, just let me know!


End file.
